Guest Author

Well, against my better judgment I am allowing another person to put a post on this blog. But, I found this to be pretty damn funny and decided to accept the request from "Professor Esteban Lument". I found it to be pretty funny in a slightly perverse, conspiracy theory way. So please, if you dislike this, complain to me about putting it on here and not about the content of what is written:

I would like to start off by thanking Mr. Stewart for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with you the readers. Secondly, I want to say that my writings are often of an adult nature. If you are offended by the language that I use, you are probably an ignorant little mole. You should be offended about the topics I write about, not the goddam words I use. You should be offended that certain cosksuckers out there are screwing our birthright, raping our identities, and setting fire to our heritage. Too much for me to write about now, but plenty of time for that, as much time as God gives us.

Seems as though the powers that are in charge of our rights and constitution are finally starting their agenda to refashion the fabric of America. When they got their whipping boy into office they realized that they were still missing the stomach to make change. No such thing as a mandate when you are given the throne by Daddy’s appointees and lawyers. But along came that infamous day that gave the citizens an enemy to unite against. And boy do we need an enemy. Limeys, injuns, Japs, Nazis, Commies. What the fuck did we have to fight against in the last decade. Yeah, Saddam was around, but he wasn’t menacing enough to occupy our rapidly declining attention spans. Thank goodness for Monica’s cigars and reality TV. What the hell else would we have done with ourselves?

So sum crazy ass fucks plotting in caves and tents in Afghanistan come along and rearrange the picture. Everything stops, tears are shed, life is honored. But now the Ties in Washington have their Helen. A war can be started. Shit, it doesn’t matter if it has nothing to do with those who did it.

Hit someone where it hurts. Show em what we are made of. Why else did we make all them bombs and tank if we weren’t gonna use em!

We had to quench our thirst with a little blood in order to get to what we really need. America has survived and thrived off of cheap calories, kilowatts, horsepower, kilojoules. Ever since the seventies, we have been stuck relying on others to satisfy our thirst for energy. Never believe that the head of the government is slow and stupid. Even if he is, you know that someone has their hand up his ass telling him where to look and what to say. Fuckin eh, W knew what he was doing. He had his fingers crossed the whole time about WMD’s. Finding them woulda been like winning a fifty on a scratch ticket. You don’t really expect it, but what a nice surprise. They knew that we had to gain a stranglehold on part of that region and the easiest way to do it was to invade a country that our sanctions had forced to dismantle their weapons programs and thus any hope of thwarting an attack. It was easy pickings. Now we have to put up with some stubborn nutjobs who have gone guerrilla style to try to beat us back, but nothing will stop our desire for oil.

The war might have destabilized the world, but if it will stabilize the future of our energy needs a little longer. It was something They are willing to put up with. But war is messy. Woman, children, elderly were killed, maimed, raped, or just vanished. (Now calm the fuck down, I ain’t accusing the troops of raping woman...well, maybe prisoners in Abu Ghraib, but that’s another story). Other weird ass shit is constantly going on in the war zone. Our own soldiers who survive this mess will suffer through shell shock and hellish memories for the rest of their lives. 1,500 dead so far. A tradgedy. But at least we can keep America strong for another 50 years with energy that we need. Ahh....sweet crude. It'll be good to know that I can keep my 1965 Pontiac GTO on the the road and live in the manner I am accustomed to.

And watch out for what’s next! Corporations are going to become more powerful than anyone can even imagine. The world will become more unstable as the poor grow in size and want. Big brother is going to be watching your every move. Be ready to feel helpless as you lose any sense of control of your destiny. Everyone is a security threat.

If you hadn’t figured it out by now, Esteban sure as hell ain’t the name given to me by my blessed mother and father. But you never know who out there might be reading this. Such as that is, I still chose a pretty low crawlspace of the internet to place my thoughts. But those who need to read this have been or will be told of the location. Dissemination will occur. Over and out.

The Professor