Lame List

Rolling Stone magazine just released their "Hot List 2005" issue, detailing all the cool, hip people, places, and things you should know about. In honor of the Hot List, I decided to do my very own lame list.

Motorcycles
The other day, this loud ass Harley pulls up next to me at a traffic light. I look over expecting to see some tough mutha with facial hair and tatoos all over his body (speaking of which, tatoos are heading into lame territory). Instead, I see some aging baby boomer who looks like my high school chemistry teacher. And even crotch rockets aren't that cool anymore. I would put riding them a notch above the guy who has tried to trick out his 1998 Misubishi Galant like the Fast and Furious, but could only afford the special exhaust pipe.

Boston Fans
Attention all Boston sports fans. Your football team has won three of the last four superbowls. Your baseball team finally ditched the monkey and won the world series. Yet you still bitch more than Roseanne Barr. Enjoy the success.

Martha Stewart
Nah, forget that, Martha still kicks ass.

Prison Jokes
Why do we still laugh at jokes about dudes taking it in prison?

Neo conservatives
The day that Rove and Limbaugh become cool, will be the day that we have truly lost all hope for freedom.

Chris Berman
ESPN should really give him a year off, and maybe when he comes back, he will be cool again. But his Urban "Oscar" Meyer or Eddie "Eat Drink and Be" Murray play calls are no longer cool. Stuart Scott has taken over Berman's throne.

Henry Rollins
Why does VH1 keep putting this guy on shows talking about other artists? He is the biggest wanna-be. I feel lame for even writing his name on here.

Military terminology for non military activities
A conference room is not a war room. A football game is not a war.

X&Y
The new Coldplay album kind of sucks ass like that "Daughter" song by that one dude. And I like Coldplay.

Home Despot
They are popping up all over Denver. I was driving down I-76 from Denver to Brush, surrounded by crops and barren fields, when out of nowhere I see a Home Despot. It is surrounded by fields and there is hardly any development or housing around it. I guess I discovered where they grow Home Despots. Also, watch yourelf in their stores. There are multiple injuries and deaths every year from items falling off the shelves. They have a crack team of lawyers to make certain that they don't have to pay too much if a sink falls off a shelf and kills your child. Home Despot is the new WalMart

Sitting at turn arrows
If you are the first person at the intersection, be ready for the turn arrow to go green. The other people behind you expect you to pay attention. They do not want to sit through another red light.

People who make lame lists
Enough said.

Some Hot Items
Skatin, Santiagos green chile, skiing, macs, monkeys